The Kundalini
Sometime back when…this event took place…it doesn’t matter about the date because re-reading it has given me an indication the measure of change that can take place almost instantaneously…like a giant leap forward.
The event last night resulted from what I was saying yesterday - about how denying or not understanding our ‘sacred self’ is what keeps us separate from the Divine energy of LOVE.
So last night, by using some weird idea that if I opened up to LOVE this aching separation would disappear, I turned inwardly and after a long and fearful hesitation - coming from an apprehension that to open up to LOVE would cause me to lose my identity (which yesterday I thought was very important) I took courage and ‘let go’. This was a heroic act because in the past I have never been able to let go of those final threads of self preservation and jump off the metaphorical cliff - but last night I did it!
I had no idea what would happen at this point. In the background of my mind I was fully aware of the Divine All Pervading Intelligence so I guess all I was really doing when I let go was acknowledging this energy: still, what came next was a total surprise; indeed, a great disappointment!
As the old ‘me’ jumped into the unknown and a new part began to open up I could feel a type of energy swirling through me. This immediately caused powerful sexual energies to arise. I was being aroused. It was the last thing I expected (or wanted). The feeling of ecstasy that began moving through me was exquisite but it felt too physical! I didn’t want any sort of sexual arousal! I was expecting the misery of my separation from LOVE to fade into the background so ethereal feelings of joy would flood through me instead this physical thing has happened! I’m shattered!
Later the next day
I’m exploring this expectation and the resultant disappointment and I am beginning to understand that the ‘loss of self’ we feels as we climax in lovemaking is a gift! For some lucky people, the peak of the encounter they have with a lover is when separation disappears and they become as one. This intensity, at the height of orgasm causes our corporal identity to be temporarily lost; the very thing I began to experience last night, and on my own too! Loss of self! As I let go…my identity disappeared. I should have been excited by the experience! I should have realised that the Kundalini energy was beginning to move up through my chakras…instead I was disappointed. What a dope!
Nevertheless another lesson is being learned.
Now for the excuse! Like so many others, my family instilled in me the idea that sexual orgasm was animalistic and try as I might, I could never release this deep seated belief. It was not until today, after denying this very spiritual, very powerful, very liberating energy that I have suddenly realised how destructive my miserable attitude towards sex has always been. To experience loss of ego and personal identity is actually a wondrous release. If this state can be obtained, even for a second, then we are experiencing another part of ourselves…and in some cases another reality altogether. To think I had managed to climb into this upper realm of consciousness then squashed it because of my feelings of guilt and disappointment - how could I?
A few weeks later………..
Today Maureen spoke of our earthly existence as an exercise in refining us as human beings. She feels that to obtain a higher state of consciousness the space between the atoms of the physical body gradually widens. It becomes finer and lighter, allowing in more light/love.
Maybe another way to approach the sexual act is to acknowledge it as a vehicle for refining our dense atomic structure. (I wonder if dad would accept that theory as a good reason to enjoy sex! Hmmmmm.)
To add to Maureen’s ideas about refining our energies, John Edward says that the energy or vibration of people on ‘The Other Side’ is higher than ours. I guess this is because they live in a different dimension (or frequency.) John Edwards says to communicate with them we have to raise our own frequency or they must lower theirs. So Maureen’s idea that as we become more spiritually aware our atomic structure becomes finer and lighter is somewhat similar to what Edwards is saying. A higher frequency could mean we become ‘lighter’ because our atomic structure has been refined.
. Later again:
Having done some research I’ve found there is a great deal of information about the Kundalini causing sexual arousal as the body’s vibration alters, but I didn’t know much about this at the time of my experience so once again I have to be thankful for the way I learn through my mistakes. Also my attitude towards identity has completely changed. It is Ego and the Personal Identity that I now ache to let go of which is the reverse of that moment when I was fearful of loosing touch with who I thought I was.
Posted by Lyn on March 4th, 2009 :: Filed under Creative Writing
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